Poop personified!

The Characters

The Cast of Turds
The Wax Turds universe is filled with a colorful cast of characters. Well, ok, maybe not “colorful” since most stuff isn’t even colored in.

The Everyman
He is pretty much “the guy in most of the comics”. He usually is thinking about stuff or talking to some dudes or dudettes, and sometimes he even donates blood! Sure, there is some confusion as to whether he is also Bike Guy or the Scientist or the Geordi Fan. But who needs consistency when you don’t even have a friggin’ face?

Bike Guy
Adventures of Bike GuyHe’s under the impression that wearing tight bike shorts and a helmet will attract sexy ladies. Thus far he has only had success in attracting an old granny with a walker. He is not an especially deep or intelligent person, but he can fill out a pair of bike shorts like nobody’s business. Also, he does not own a bike. Check out the Adventures of Bike Guy Archive.

Stevens the Cat
Cat vs. Human Stevens is a bit of a douche. He insists on shitting on things, usually for no reason, but occasionally out of spite. His owner, Bike Guy, has attempted to get back at Stevens by neutering him, amongst other things. Thus far nothing has been effective. Check out the Cat vs. Human Archive.

The Scientist
Adventures in ScienceHe is surprisingly successful with the ladies, much to the chagrin of his friend Bike Guy. He has numerous inventions, many of which involve better ways of getting drunk or attracting ladies. The Scientist is always wearing glasses, though few people know that he only wears them because he likes how they make him look. Check out the Adventures in Science Archive.

The Geordi Fan
He’s way into Star Trek TNG, you guys! He puts a lot of effort into courting sexy ladies with a similar level of interest in Star Trek (i.e. the level that compels a person to dress up). At one point he has even attempted to contact LeVar Burton via twitter. Check out the Star Trek Dating Archive.

surferThese guys tend to ponder the great questions of life, such as what the best surf movie ever made. Most of them pee in their wetsuits to keep warm, which has led to an interesting Pavlovian response to whenever they encounter cold situations out of the water.

Monster BoogerThe tiny green boogers have a surprisingly advanced and complex society, albeit within the confines of a person’s nostrils. Boogers from different nostrils tend to be culturally very different, as they are geographically isolated populations. It is possible over time left and right nostril boogers will become genetically distinct species.

plutoThe recently reclassified dwarf planet gets a lot of flack from the “real” planets in the solar system. The incessant teasing and mocking has really gotten to Pluto as of late, and it has considered changing orbits to another star with nicer planets.

jasonPay no attention to the man behind the curtain! This is the cartoonification of the head turd, aka the author.  Seeing as how I am the author I feel a little weird not talking in first person, so I’m going to change that starting with the beginning of this sentence. I am the only character who can break the so-called “fourth wall” without the Earth asploding, so that makes me pretty cool and rad.