I’m voting Ham Sandwich in ’12

“Americans would elect a ham sandwich for president if it would promise them jobs and a higher income.” – Ron Bonjean, GOP strategist

Condescending? Check
Ignorant? Check.
Delicious? Check.

“Politics as usual”

“So how about in honor of the American soldier, you quit making up things. And don’t underestimate the wisdom of the people. And one other thing for the media — our new governor has a very nice family, too, so leave his kids alone.” – Sarah Palin

Fucking shit, I’m starting to think she actually is retarded. I was trying to give her the benefit of the doubt for a long time, thinking she was just a very skilled politician. But now I’m just not sure.

Well, good thing we didn't make her vice president. Who knows if she would have just quit that job too..

Let’s break down her bullshit statement.

“So how about in honor of the American soldier, you quit making up things.”
Alright, I left out the bullshit that preceded this, so maybe this isn’t fair to rip on. I realize she has a family member in the service, and I respect that. Or rather, I respect him. The way she is using this for political game is downright despicable. But that aside, what exactly is the media “making up”? I don’t know if she’s aware of this, but there is really no need to make dumb shit up about her – she is great at doing that for us.

“And don’t underestimate the wisdom of the people.”
I’m pretty sure this evil “media” isn’t underestimating the wisdom of people, but rather underestimating the wisdom of YOU. For example, I fail to see the wisdom of leaving office early. Yeah, I heard your bullshit excuse about “politics as usual” (which, if a more ironic statement has been made recently, I surely can’t think of it). It’s not the media making up this evil rumor that you are an irresponsible leader; that’s just us observing what you are doing. Surely you’ve heard of observation? I know some people are big on believing things they are told rather than, you know, thinking about stuff, but surely we’re not dumb enough to fall for this rhetoric. Ok, maybe only some of us are not dumb enough. You know, the hippie liberal college types. I made a graph representing people in general and your run of the mill Sarah Palin speech, and it goes a little something like this:

“And one other thing for the media – our new governor has a very nice family, too, so leave his kids alone.”
Well, let’s hope he doesn’t parade his kids in front of the media like you did, ass clown. The moment you started whoring them out to the media you are opening them up for a rough time. You should have protected them from this, rather than use them for your own political gain. And trust me – most of your appeal to your supporters are those kids. You couldn’t have made it to where you are without using them like you did. I would argue this is the greatest hypocrisy with all this being against “politics as usual” bullshit.

“I am not a quitter; I am a fighter.”

When I eventually quit my job, I’m going to write this on a piece of paper, hand it to my boss, and just walk away.

Thanks, Sarah Palin. People with working brains might get down on you a lot, but you are always able to bring a smile to my face – and that’s a special talent in this crazy world.

Other variations I may use in the near future:

“I am not an alcoholic; I am a virgo.”

“I am not afraid of bees; I am wearing sunglasses.”

“I am not a male; I am in possession of an automobile.”

“I am not a gamer; I am dressed in a hamburger costume.”

What do you mean the second part of those statements don’t have anything to do with the first part? Stop talking crazy before I go all maverick on your ass.