I wish this was fake.

So, I’m doing my morning routine of reading some news on the interwebs, and some of the headlines just make me hate America. As a side note, of course today is the anniversary of the 9/11 attacks, so around 75% of the headlines are related to that (as they probably should be).

HUGE HEADLINE BREAKING NEWS OMG WTF GRAB YOUR BABIES AND RUN!!!!111!!!ONE!!!!!
Kanye West arrested in Los Angeles Airport.
Ok, who gives a fucking shit? Seriously, show me the person who gives a shit. DO IT. I want to meet this person, because inquiring minds want to know why they give a fucking shit what this dumbass does. And why in the world is this the biggest story??

Skinny model says, “Nobody ever fed me”.
Call me crazy, but most people feed themselves once they’re past like, childhood. Unless this is a Gerber baby model this should NOT be a headline story on the top section of cnn. EVER.

Gal offers virginity to highest bidder.
Good for her. I’m offering my old Rock Band drums to the highest bidder, would cnn care to put that up as a headline? ALSO, isn’t this prostitution? I mean, I’m cool with hookers and all, but there aren’t a lot of places this is even legal.

Babies treated, then sent back to hell.
Ok, maybe this is about something important. It’s hard to tell, because the title is completely useless. Who is sending babies to hell? If you’re doing so, why bother treating them first? Oh and you can’t even read the article, it’s video only. Great.

These are only the “top” headlines, which in my opinion should be reserved for important stuff. There is frequently celebrity bullshit up there, and other just plain lame ass shit. I’m ok with the press reporting on this fluff stuff, but keep it in it’s own category down BELOW the big headlines. There is some important shit going on in the world lately, why are you choosing to make it harder for me to find out about it?

This is why I use the bbc for most of my news nowadays. I find it slightly ironic that a British news agency tends to be better at reporting US news than any US new agency. Plus they have a wicked good science section that is actually updated like, multiple times daily.