If only there were a stupid guys’ side

“I don’t have a whole lot of mercy for the bad guys; I’m on the good guys’ side.”
-Sarah Palin

Unfortunately, “bad guys” don’t usually realize they are the bad guy. If things were that easy, the world would probably be a much different place. Here’s to hoping that (god forbid) if she ever regains any kind of political power, she doesn’t use this kind of logic when dealing with foreign policy (or shit, even domestic policy).

Yeah, I took this quote out of context and used it to make my own point. Maybe I should consider running for office? SEE WHAT I DID THERE?

P.S. Dinosaur Train rules, I wish this was around when I was a kid.

I’m voting Ham Sandwich in ’12

“Americans would elect a ham sandwich for president if it would promise them jobs and a higher income.” – Ron Bonjean, GOP strategist

Condescending? Check
Ignorant? Check.
Delicious? Check.

I guess the kids will just have to learn real science now

Down in Florida there is this little ray of sunshine called “Dinosaur Adventure Land”, which, despite the obvious awesome implications of the name, is actually just a Creationist museum in disguise. With rides.

Now, I’m all people believing in their own thing. It’s completely fine if you think a Flying Spaghetti Monster created the world, or that some dude built a boat large enough to fit two of every creature every in the world (which of course would include dinosaurs, naturally). Really, I’m fine with all that. Just don’t mix that shit with science. Seriously, don’t. Religion and science have no place being together; they are based on two entirely different things. One is based on belief, one is based on observation. It’s simple. You can’t use one to explain the other.

So this place called Dinosaur Adventure Land has been seized by the government because the owners have apparently forgotten to pay employee taxes for like, the entire time it’s been open. Oops. I’m pretty sure the Bible talks about taxes, so they really have no religious excuse, in my opinion.

This is a tragic blow to the whole “Dinosaurs and humans lived together at one point you guys, seriously!” movement. But don’t fret, folks! There are still plenty of places to get your young-earth theory on! If you happen to live in the same glorious state as yours truely, you can go check out the Cabazon Dinosaurs (you know, those big dinosaurs features in Pee Wee’s Big Adventure). They were bought by some creationists, and have turned the area into quiet the religious experience. Check out some of the Q&A/suggested readings here. I’ll give you the jist of the first one: “Hey, biochemistry is complex, so it couldn’t have evolved over billions of years. Only God can do that.”. Sure, I guess that could be true. It’s a tad boring though. It’s kind of ignoring all the really cool real world developments in the origin of life/emergence field, but hey, who needs all those silly experiments.

There’s also the infamous Creation Museum in Kentucky. There they try to blend big science words and faulty reasoning into proving that the bible should be taken literally, and that it jives just fine with stuff like fossils and the young earth theory. I don’t recommend anyone actually going there to support their bullshit, but you should totally check out this dudes pics from his trip: http://www.flickr.com/photos/scalzi/sets/72157603091357751/

One of my favorite pics in that gallery there is this:

If that kind of logic makes sense to you, then I’m afraid you are probably a lost cause. If, however, that kind of statement infuriates your working brain, then by all means, accept my high-five. I am of the opinion that anyone with an IQ above 50 should be able to see through this nonsense, so the “fear of God” must be strong enough to overcome the inherent logical nature of most people’s thought process.

I don’t know, maybe I’m just overestimating how smart people actually are.

“Politics as usual”

“So how about in honor of the American soldier, you quit making up things. And don’t underestimate the wisdom of the people. And one other thing for the media — our new governor has a very nice family, too, so leave his kids alone.” – Sarah Palin

Fucking shit, I’m starting to think she actually is retarded. I was trying to give her the benefit of the doubt for a long time, thinking she was just a very skilled politician. But now I’m just not sure.

Well, good thing we didn't make her vice president. Who knows if she would have just quit that job too..

Let’s break down her bullshit statement.

“So how about in honor of the American soldier, you quit making up things.”
Alright, I left out the bullshit that preceded this, so maybe this isn’t fair to rip on. I realize she has a family member in the service, and I respect that. Or rather, I respect him. The way she is using this for political game is downright despicable. But that aside, what exactly is the media “making up”? I don’t know if she’s aware of this, but there is really no need to make dumb shit up about her – she is great at doing that for us.

“And don’t underestimate the wisdom of the people.”
I’m pretty sure this evil “media” isn’t underestimating the wisdom of people, but rather underestimating the wisdom of YOU. For example, I fail to see the wisdom of leaving office early. Yeah, I heard your bullshit excuse about “politics as usual” (which, if a more ironic statement has been made recently, I surely can’t think of it). It’s not the media making up this evil rumor that you are an irresponsible leader; that’s just us observing what you are doing. Surely you’ve heard of observation? I know some people are big on believing things they are told rather than, you know, thinking about stuff, but surely we’re not dumb enough to fall for this rhetoric. Ok, maybe only some of us are not dumb enough. You know, the hippie liberal college types. I made a graph representing people in general and your run of the mill Sarah Palin speech, and it goes a little something like this:

“And one other thing for the media – our new governor has a very nice family, too, so leave his kids alone.”
Well, let’s hope he doesn’t parade his kids in front of the media like you did, ass clown. The moment you started whoring them out to the media you are opening them up for a rough time. You should have protected them from this, rather than use them for your own political gain. And trust me – most of your appeal to your supporters are those kids. You couldn’t have made it to where you are without using them like you did. I would argue this is the greatest hypocrisy with all this being against “politics as usual” bullshit.

“I am not a quitter; I am a fighter.”

When I eventually quit my job, I’m going to write this on a piece of paper, hand it to my boss, and just walk away.

Thanks, Sarah Palin. People with working brains might get down on you a lot, but you are always able to bring a smile to my face – and that’s a special talent in this crazy world.

Other variations I may use in the near future:

“I am not an alcoholic; I am a virgo.”

“I am not afraid of bees; I am wearing sunglasses.”

“I am not a male; I am in possession of an automobile.”

“I am not a gamer; I am dressed in a hamburger costume.”

What do you mean the second part of those statements don’t have anything to do with the first part? Stop talking crazy before I go all maverick on your ass.

“The metric system is the kind of thing you can expect”

Well, shit, sign me up then. If that’s the leading argument for why a Democrat-controlled congress is bad, then I’m going to just go ahead and say “awesome”.

“Commentary: Franken victory is not funny”

You’re coming back to the party, I see.

So Michael Jackson died. Surely you heard, because the news media has been cramming it down our throats since before it was even official. Oh, you don’t watch the news? Well, then surely you noticed every douchebag with a stereo system is now playing Thriller at full blast out of their car. And while that is generally a rad thing to do, it’s only really rad when you’re the only person doing it.

Listen, I like Michael Jackson a lot. Like many people born in the 80′s, MJ for me was just the motherfucking man. I even kind of liked some of those later albums that generally were not received well, simply because it was Michael-fucking-Jackson. My opinion did not wane when he started looking like a weird space alien, because, well, he’s Michael-fucking-Jackson. I didn’t even get down on him when he allegedly diddled some kids, because, shit, what kid wouldn’t want to bang MJ? Dude made Thriller. Just think about that for a minute: Thriller is badass, and don’t act like you were too cool for school when that shit came out, because you know you were dancing around like a damn idiot zombie, fucking up all the moves to the dance.

Like the Beatles before him, Michael Jackson was bigger than Jesus. Don’t believe me? Go to China and India. Those fuckers don’t like Jesus so much, but they LOVE Michael Jackson. And that’s most of the planet’s population, so my claim is surprisingly valid.

I guess my real point is, I like, and have always liked, MJ. So I get a little insulted that every motherfool in America is acting the same way. Because just a year ago you fuckers didn’t give a shit about him. Don’t act like it’s untrue! After all the child sex stuff came out it became pretty cool to not like MJ. And I get that: It’s a fucked up situation, and if it was true then that is some serious shit. The point is, you don’t know it was true, and yet you fuckers were the first ones to stone this guy in the streets. And now you’re the first ones to jump back on the “we love MJ” bandwagon now that he’s dead. What the crap is that about? Every time this guy did anything that wasn’t awesome (plastic surgery, bad album, etc), he was thrown under the bus faster than you could say “beat it”. For some reason, it just pisses me off.

I guess I’m also just dissapointed in the commercilization of MJ’s death. Seriously, within a day of his death I saw commemorative t-shirts being worn. A fucking day. Did they like, premake these things or something? How could that possible happen so fast? The amount of news media and people in general clogging up UCLA the day he died was also just ridiculous. Like, I get that you want to show support or whatever, but how does making it harder for emergency medicine to be performed by cluster-fucking around a hospital help anything? Can you imagine if emergency care was affected by this? Seriously, what if just one person was affected negatively by this? How fucked up would that be?

I’m not really sure why all this stuff is actually making me upset, honestly I normally don’t a shit about anything “celebrity” related. I’m certainly not saying MJ didn’t have plenty of people that dug him still. I mean, dude couldn’t walk down the street in most of the world. I’m just saying that the level of negativity surrounding his life the last few years was pretty intense, and it’s too bad that he didn’t get to see all this sudden love and forgiveness.

What has two thumbs and likes irony? The Catholic Church, apparently.

I’m not sure if you’re aware of this, but Christian churches (especially the Catholic Church) doesn’t like science all that much. And I get it, I really do. It’s tough to confront something like science in an honest way, because it generally contradicts a lot of what you as the church say about how the world works. I’m not talking about metaphysical “what it is to be human and how we should try to act in this crazy world” stuff, I mean barebones crap like how the Earth was created and whatnot.

So I find it rather odd today when I’m reading CNN and I see the headline “Pope: Basilica bones belong to apostle St. Paul“. No, it’s not that I don’t believe there was probably a St. Paul, and that those could in fact be his bones. My mind instantly went to, “well, how the crap would you actually knew those bones belonged to a specific person?”. Oh, and it gets better. The method they used to determine the bones were of St. Paul is radiocarbon dating, the very concept that belittles a lot of things that are in the bible (i.e. age of the earth, creationism, evolution – you know, all the big ones).

Paul: "Jokes on you, shitfaces, I faked my death so I could go on a mid-life fuckfest. Those bones are from some jew carpenter I killed in the desert."

I find it a little strange that using radioactive decay is fine with the church as long as it is used to prove their own view of the world, and yet is demonized (literally!) when it contradicts something. It baffles me! BAFFLES!

And what is just as bad is that they use the date approximation as sure-fire justification that these fucking bones are fucking Paul, you fuckers. I mean, for all we know those bones are from Paul’s gay lover, or the damn pool boy. Or shit, why not Jesus? There is no damn way to know, you asshats.

Sorry, dinosaurs, using radioactive decay only works for human bones of people that may be associated with the church. You never existed, and God obviously put your bones in the ground for shits and giggles. And it's just a coincidence that birds look just like you, becaues evolution is not real. Alright, let's go stone some loose women and gay people.

Listen, I know I come down hard on occasion at religion, and I refuse to apologize for utilizing reason with the way I approach the world. At the same time, I do respect what things like the bible should actually be representing, which is a way to live your life as a somewhat decent person. Ok, maybe that’s only true if you ignore the old testament. But still, I get it. It’s when assclowns try to take everything in there as literal when we get into real trouble like war and racism and hatred. I’m not saying that is what things like the bible actually teach (ok, again, maybe the old testament is big on that..but the new testament is pretty much “love people, you guys! seriously.”), but I’ll be damned if that’s not the outcome a lot of the time.

Mmmm, RNA soup.

So whilst reading my numerous RSS feeds this morning, as is my daily routine, I came across this article in Science talking about how the secrets of life’s origins have finally been figured out. 

Well, kinda.

One of the big arguments for “intelligent” design (see what I did there?) is that proponents say you can’t make organic life from inorganic parts. Or to be more precise, the unifying things that all known life on Earth have (RNA, DNA, proteins) cannot be naturally assembled from nothing. And actually, for two of those three things, this is true. For example, proteins are assembled from DNA that has been transcribed to RNA, which is a process that requires RNA and proteins. DNA, what is largely essential for passing on traits, is replicated through the use of proteins and RNA. 

So there is a bit of chicken-egg situation: how can something arise spontaneously and propagate when it relies on other things to replicate? It is possible, but extremely extremely unlikely, that multiple things were made naturally at once. If you think about it, life had a few billion years to randomly make a few of those at once, but still. But the simplest and most likely answer is RNA. It is the only piece of the puzzle that is self-replicating and able to store hereditory information. 

There have been numerous papers the last 30 or more years talking about what conditions and chemical reactions likely happened to produce the initial RNA molecule from Earth’s primordial soup. And while some were pretty convincing, most have not held up to experimentation. So some dudes and ladies went back to the drawing board, tried a few new approaches, and have found some conditions and reactions that fit the theory and work in the lab. So high-fives all around! 

Ok, to be fair, this doesn’t really “prove” anything yet. One of the bad (and great) things about science is that it’s extremely hard to fully prove something (and conversely, very easy to disprove something). But it’s a good step forward into figuring out the origins of life on Earth. If you want to read more about current theories and whatnot on the subject of “abiogenesis”, check out this wikipedia entry: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Abiogenesis

Frodo was real, bitches.

So I was reading through the gazillion news stories in my rss reader, and came across this gem (“Hobbit” new species after all, says study). I’ve heard about these tiny humans before, and I just assumed they were in fact a different species seperate from other humans. But turns out, we weren’t so sure until pretty recently.

So these 18 thousand year old bones found on a somewhat remote Indonessian island basically add up to a human that is roughly 3 feet tall, with a pretty small brain to boot. That’s pretty darn close to chimp size…though from what I’ve seen and read, they appear to be quite along on the “evolution” scale from chimps. (OK, let’s say rather they are branching farther from chimps on a pretty cladogram than you would maybe guess do to their small size). 

I always dig these kind of stories for a few specific reasons. For one, finding human stuff is so rare that it’s pretty much always a big deal when something is found and studied. If you know anything about the fossilization process, you can DEFINITELY appreciate how crazy insane uncommon it is to actually have bone(s) like this. Maybe I’ll write about it sometime, but just trust me for now (or look it up). It always drives me mental when I hear anti-evolutionists point to the lack of fossils as “proof” that evolution is wrong. It’s such a failure of logic that it blows my mind. Simply put, the “lack” of something does not disprove something. With insane amounts of evidence supporting evolution (like, oh, I don’t know, the fact that we can SEE evolution in real time. Like, easily. Undergrads do it nowadays. Seriously.), it just seems like people are choosing to be ignorant. 

But anyway, besides the coolness of finding such a rare thing, there’s also the fact that ancestral humans are just inherently intesting to us humans. Because, well, that’s our history. Whether you subscribe to evolution or not, you are likely interested in your own origins. Some people prefer to get that information from a relgion, some prefer to get it from observation and thought, but regardless it is important. 

So, yeah. Cool times. Turns out there was a human called Homo floresiensis that likely branched from Homo erectus at some point a long time ago, and got really short while isolated on an island. This “getting small” scenario is witnessed a lot in animal populations isolated on islands, so it’s not actually unheard of.