Happy now?

Alright, the “iPad” has finally been officially announced. Can we move the fuck on now, tech websites/twitter/news sites?

From Engadget

Dude, fuck phones. Also, I want phones.

I’ve been having phone issues lately. Well, not just lately I guess. But recent events have turned it into a damn SAGA.

So about a year ago I switched from Sprint to T-Mobile. Wait, I think I need to take this story back even further.

About 3 years ago I switched from Nextel to Sprint, which had just merged. Even though it was technically “one company”, it still required me to switch to a different phone since they operate on different networks. No biggie, right? HA! You wish, bozo. Not only did it take 2.5 hours in a Sprint store to switch, but they made me change my number for reasons they were unable to explain. But ok, I got down with that. Nextel just plain didn’t work where I lived in Henderson, NV, so I had little choice (and I was in the middle of a contract, so I couldn’t switch providers).

So I finally get on Sprint. Phone service is pretty good, but not great. Whatever. Initially, everything was going pretty smoothly. Then they decide to change up their website. Now my billing is screwed up. I get charged like, way way way more than normal (i.e. over a years worth of service on one bill). So yeah, that was a problem. I call them, talk for a hour or so, and it gets solved. Awesome. But since they changed their website, I no longer have an account on their site for some reason. And since that’s how I was paying my bills, it becomes a problem. I get that problem solved after some more phone time. Problem is, my password is always rejected when I try to login, so I constantly have to reset it each time I want to pay a bill (oh, and the auto-pay didn’t work for me, otherwise this wouldn’t have mattered). I finally get this fixed on the last month of my contract, at which point I was fed up.

So I switch to T-Mobile. Dude, it was awesome. No hassles, surprisingly helpful customer service, and the goddamn website actually works. I’m in heaven, right? Well, turns out the phone I got is a hunk of fucking shit! It was actually kind of expensive too, and at the time had pretty much the best camera a phone can have (it still is top 3, easily). The problem is, the damn thing turns off all the fucking time. And with no apparent rhyme or reason. Some days it’s perfect, others it turns off constantly. Sometimes a slight bump will do it, others just talking be enough to turn it off. Awesome!

Looks pretty great, but in reality it's just pretty crappy.

So I finally decided to just say “fuck it” with this phone and get another one, regardless of the fact that I still have a few months left on my contract. I shopped around, and found a Palm Pre for super damn cheap (i.e. $20 after rebates). The problem is, the service is through Sprint. I decided to try to give them another chance. I mean, this is a brand new account and everything, I’m sure my past problems wouldn’t happen again. Right?

This thing has potential, but I wish it wasn't with Sprint.

Well, holy shit was I wrong! Turns out, Sprint owes me $0.12 from my last account with them. They never bothered to pay me this, but rather closed the account. That’s fine, I don’t want their 12 fucking cents. The problem is, they are reporting this account as delinquent to the place I tried to buy a pre from, which means they won’t start a new account with me. Now, I’m no wordsmith, but I’m pretty sure the definition of delinquent has something to do with having not paid a bill to them, not vice versa.

So yeah. I decided once and for all to say “fuck Sprint”, but this time I’m making it permanent. I’m permabanning Sprint from my damn life, and I’m pretty ok with that.

So this morning I looked into some phones that work with T-Mobile, since they have been pretty great to me. I’ve decided that I’m going to get a myTouch android phone when I am able to do it with a new contract (because the price without that is just frankly ridiculous). While browsing the site, I found that you can customize these things with any image you want. Dude, I draw and edit shit all the time, so this seemed perfect. I fired up their application, and came up with this badass phone that will eventually be mine:

I’m not sure if I would get black or white. I tend to like black better, but the image looks way better in white. I’ve got various other dinosaurs doing cool activities too, so I may go with one of those….

Anyway, that’s the cellphone journey I’ve been on the last few years. A lot of my friends have told me to “get an iPhone”. And while, yes, I do like the iPhone, I am not a fan of AT&T or their damn network. I’d have to pay almost $35 more per month to have an iPhone with a dataplan/lowest amount of talk time/textmessages. And of course, AT&T’s 3G network is well known to just not be the greatest. The app catalog is a lot more mature than android’s marketplace, but I really don’t like how the Nazis Apple is running things on that end. So that’s where I stand on the iPhone. It’s awesome, but it’s just not the right time in my opinion to go that route.

Hey, look: A bus rant.

Dude, why the hell don’t people brush their teeth. Arrgghhhh SERIOUSLY. I hate that almost everyday on the bus I can smell someone’s horrible breath, even if they are not sitting next to me. THAT IS RANK SHIT IF I CAN SMELL IT, MOTHERFOOL. You really need to get on that.

I really don’t think I have a super sense of smell or something rad like that, and I even have a touch of allergies at the moment. So that means your breath has to be double-gross for me to smell it. DOUBLE-GROSS.

And don’t just brush your teeth, motherfool. Scrape your stinky ass tongue! Because that’s probably really what your fellow bus patrons are smelling. Sure brushing helps, and would probably cause at least 75% of your grossness to go away instantly, but the tongue is really where it’s at. If people had any idea what kind of gross shit is on the back of their tongue they would scrape that fucker off like there was no tomorrow. And if that wasn’t enough, you also gain the added benefit of being able to taste shit better. No, really! It’s win-win, you stinky bastard!

Seriously, this guy's breath probably smells better than some of the people on the bus.

Alright, I feel better. Apparently yelling at someone in my head doesn’t actually have any affect on the situation while on the bus, so I yell at the interwebs.

Excuse me, but pickles do not belong there.

The other day I forgot to bring my lunch to work, so I decided to get a sandwich at the infamous Bomb Shelter. Everything was going pretty smoothly – bread was successfully selected, roast beef and pepperjack was added, and various fruits and vegetables were being put into the mix. I usually keep it simple when adding “the trimmin’s”: lettuce, tomato, and cucumber tend to be my go-to. I don’t play that mayonnaise or vinegar game, as I’m more of a spicy mustard man. 

So you’ll agree, my sandwich sounds simple to make right? Of course you do. It’s elementary, my dear delicatessen. On this particular day though, tragedy struck: instead of cucumbers, they decided to slop it’s evil acetic acid-ified twin all over my sandwich. Yes, they dared to put pickles on my sammich. And what’s worse, I didn’t see them do it. Had I witnessed such an atrosity, I assure you I would have put a stop to it immediately. But rather, on this day, someone I knew said hello to me and distracted me just long enough to miss this act of ‘wich crime. 

Now, I don’t want you to think I’m some kind of casual pickle hater. It’s not like I only “kinda” don’t like them: they ruin my life. I don’t know what it is, but they are so bitter and salty and gross to me that it is borderline painful. 

So imagine my surprise, when I take a big bite of this supposedly delicious sandwich. It was like being punched in the face, my friends (insert creepy John McCain voice). Pickles are bad enough, but when you’re expecting them you can at least prepare a little. After recovering my composure, I attempted to remove the pickles. But it was too late – their disgusting juices had already infected my sandwich.

Sigh.

Bomb Shelter Blues

Dude, you know what I really dislike? Restaurants that are stingy with condiment. There is this little food place at UCLA called the Bomb Shelter, and in it you can get a sandwich, burgers, burritoes, and misc. other stuff. The prices are pretty cheap and the food is pretty bad, but it’s convenient for me when I don’t feel like making a lunch in the morning (roughly once per week). Lately since I’ve been on the Lard Ass Removal Project I’ve mostly been avoiding eating there, except for an occasional muffin or something in the morning. 

Well yesterday I decided to get dangerous and purchase a burger and fries, and much to my chargrin these fuckers apparently think I’m not good enough for free ketchup. They used to have some bins with tons of ketchup packs, and now the bins are empty. And what’s worse, there is a note that says “For your convenience, catsup is now located at grill”.  So I go back into the burger part of the place and ask for some ketchup, and they give me one packet. ONE PACKET OF KETCHUP. For a burger and probably 50 fries. I politely asked if they could possibly spare any more, and the dude was nice enough to give me one more. HOORAY, TWO PACKETS. I laughingly said, “woah..easy there, don’t overdo it man”, to which he informed me that the manager has decree that condiments should be limited due to people using too much.

Sorry shithead, we're not going to let you mask the horrible flavor of our food with this tasty condiment.

Now, I’ve seen this manager. He’s a short fucker that breathes over the shoulder of his damn employees, and it’s all kinds of creepy because a lot of these employees are attractive young females. I’ve seen this dude give employees a hard time in front of customers, usually for extremely stupid bullshit. So now, thanks to this munchkin mother fucker, I can’t get enough delicious ketchup for my hot tasty french fries and burger. 

Ok, so I can get down with that. I’m fortunate enough to have a fridge in my lab that I can store some ketchup. But what about those hundreds of students daily that want some damn ketchup with their shitty food? What will they do? WHAT WILL THEY DO?? Oh, the horror.

Let’s make love, you sexy gecko.

You remember those commercials where people say something bad or clever or strange, and then follow it up with “I just saved a bunch of money on my car insurance by switching to Geico”? Well I’ll be damned, but i just switched to Geico and saved some money on car insurance. I shit you not!

For the past few years I’ve been pretty upset at the prices I have to pay for car insurance, primarily because I have never had anything on my driving record. That’s right bitches, I’ve never had any kind of ticket or violoation or anything. NEVER. And when I turned 25, people were all “oh man, you’re going to have such cheap insurance now”. And guess what? Didn’t effin happen.  

"Dude, I have no idea why you have to pay more for insurance.", said my new favorite gecko.

Well my esurance premium actually went up for some reason recently, so I decided to shop around. Oh, did I mention that I have a perfect driving record? Or how about the fact that I take the bus to work everyday? Or that my car is had 8 effin airbags, lots of antitheft stuff, and is stored in a locked garage all day every day. And my freaking premium went up! 

Anyway, so I went to search with the normal companies like Allstate, Farmer’s, Geico, etc. Turns out, Geico is actually significantly cheaper for me than all those other mofo’s. It might be because I get a ton of discounts since I work for the State of California and do science for a living. I guess being a safe driver isn’t enough sometimes?

So I’m pretty happy with car insurance stuff for now. I get way more coverage for about the same price, so it’s a happy day. Of course, I’m still biking and busing to work, so I’m also kind of awesome for that.

PETA is…well, insane.

Ok, I really dig the ethical treatment of animals. I really really do. But PETA has gone fucking insane. And not “cool” insane, like that dude from A Beautifl Mind. I mean “bad” insane, like that bat-shit crazy lady you see standing outside the supermarket talking to the pigeons. 

PETA recently asked the Pet Shop Boys, a somewhat popular band from the 80′s, to change their name. And they even had a suggestion: “Rescue Shelter Boys”. Holy shit, words cannot describe these fuckers anymore. I mean, if a PETA dude just said this as a joke in passing, I would be totally be digging it. But to make an official statement like this only shows how insane the group has become. 

If only these fuckers would change their name, animal cruelty would finally stop.

It’s not that asking the PSB to change their name is even a big deal in itself: it’s just combined with all the other weird stuff they say nowadays, it’s really starting to sound like these loons have jumped off the deep end. Consider these news nuggets (these are just a few of the recent ones, there are so many more):

• PETA wants to change the name of fish to “sea-kittens“, because, and I quote, “who could possibly want to put a hook through a sea kitten?”. Please note, that link goes directly to the OFFICIAL PETA SITE FOR SEA KITTENS.
• They are organizing a group in World of Warcraft to combat players who kill seals to gain fur in the game (fur can be sold for cash). INSANE.
• They are against horse drawn carriage rides because the horses have to “breathe car exhaust and walk on the pavement all day long in the heat”. It’s ok for people apparently, but not for horses?

It’s actually quite sad, because I really respect the general idea that PETA is founded on: stopping cruelty to animals. But lately I really think they are doing more harm to that movement than good with their crazy antics. The way things are going, it really wouldn’t be surprised if PETA turned into some kind of cult.

Look general public! Sexy ads! Perhaps now you will stop your evil meat-eating ways!

Can I get a side of sexy ladies with my veggies?

And don’t even get me started on the damn ad campaigns. Seriously, don’t.

xbox 360 #2 = dead

Yep. About a year and a half ago my xbox 360 got the dreaded “red ring of death” (RRoD), which about 32% of my fellow 360 bretheren also experienced. MS was kind enough to expand the warranty to 3 years in response to all these failures, and all was well in the world.

Well, here we are less than a year later and my repaired 360 just got the RRoD again. I’m not really mad or anything, just a little dissapointed. I love this thing like a son: I treat it well, I brag about it’s accomplishments to my friends, I feed it only the best games, and I even upgraded its hard drive recently. So naturally you can see why I would be dissapointed in its life decision to just give up on its sole purpose for existence.

After a good 30 minutes on the phone with xbox support, they are sending me a coffin..erm, box, to send it back to its maker in. They will then “fix” whatever is wrong and send it back, or give me a new one. I’m kind of hoping I get a newer one with the better parts inside (they updated a lot of stuff to prevent this on the newer consoles), but at this point I just want a damn console that works.

In respect to my fallen friend, here is a link to a funeral for one of its brothers. This is up there with one of the funniest things I’ve seen on the interwebs, at least in terms of video game culture.

R.I.P. Xbox 360
5/23/2006 – 7/13/2007
Resurrection (warranty service)
8/1/2007 – 2/28/2009

MS, is the money really worth it? (update: No.)

UPDATE: MS has decided to withdraw their request for a “refund”. They released a press statement saying they take responsibility for the mistake, and therefore are not the biggest douchebags in the world anymore. Tom Cruise, your title is thus returned to you.

Alright, I’ll be the first to admit: I really don’t like all the Microsoft hate that has been going around for the past few years. I think most people do it because they enjoy hating on the “big corporation”, and maybe even take those stupid Mac ads seriously. The fact is, most of these so-called haters use and heavily rely upon MS making quality products for their everyday life and business needs.

So here I am, somewhat tireless defender of MS’s honor, when I read a news story last week about how MS wants a refund of some money they accidentally gave to people they laid off recently. No, seriously. They sent out letters to people they just laid off asking for them to write a check for the over-pay. If that isn’t the ultimate “fuck you” I’ve heard of a company doing, then…well, I have no clever statement to end that with. It’s just plain fucked up, any way you look at it.

I’m guessing the over-pay was probably significant, or else I’m assuming they wouldn’t bother with asking for the money back. But here’s the thing, MS: You don’t ask for that money back. You fire the fuckers who made the mistake, sure. You absolutely do not ask for that money back. Perhaps you’re aware of the fact that people see your company as greedy bastards, and all you’re doing is tattooing that name on your damn forehead. You guys went out and hired this awesome marketing dude to help turn around your company image after getting your teeth kicked in by those Mac ads (newsflash: a lot of people believe the ads they see on TV, especially when there is no retort from you for years). And I think those recent TV ads have done something to help you guys regain your “hip” factor.

Hi, I’m a tool.

But here’s the deal: This bullshit you’re pulling asking for severance pay back is going to completely undo all that money you put into building up your image again. If you’re looking at it from a dollars perspective, it’s probably going to end up costing you more money in advertising with more of those “I’m a PC” ads to make up for this news nightmare than you will even get back from your former employees.

You know what would have been cool? Like, maybe overpaying the severance on purpose, and then leaking it to the media or something. Imagine that headline, “Sure, they had to lay off people, but holy shit did they go above and beyond to help their former employees out in this tough economic climate”. Because you know what’s more hip than a black turtle neck and jeans? A company that gives a shit about it’s employees. Just ask Google.

Just as a reference, no I do not exclusively use Windows as my operating system. At work I use Linux (Ubuntu 8.10) 70% of the time, and Windows Vista (well, lately I’ve been on the Windows 7 beta) the remainder of the time. At home I use Windows XP, mostly because I sometimes play older games that just plain don’t work under Vista. In the past I have used a few different versions of the Mac OS (dating all the way back to v9 in the late 90′s, and including some OSX stuff a few years ago). So I’m not talking out of my ass, I like all of these OS’s for different reasons, but for the most part I stick with MS.

No, you don’t have a photographic memory.

I’m so sick of people saying they have a photographic memory. I think they confuse being able to remember some stuff with being able to remember nearly EVERYTHING they see or hear. Being able to see images in your memory does not count. We can all do that. Probably most mammals with large brains can, at the very least.

Two examples:

Christina Applegate on Letterman said she had one. Then Letterman asked, “oh, what was your room number in the hospital then (which was not that long ago)”. She didn’t know obviously, then kind of made up one to recover.

Some McCain aide said Sarah Palin had one. That’s just hilarious. If she truely did have a photographic memory, wouldn’t she be able to remember Africa is a continent and not a country?

These are just recent examples. All my life people have been saying this shit, and I’m sick of it.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Photographic_memory